Vayigash - Good Romance

The story of Joseph teaches that reconciling Etz Yosef and Etz Yehuda—and bringing Mashiach—requires a deep engagement with the secular world.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy New Year!

The New Year marks a special opportunity for new beginnings, and Parshat Vayigash intriguingly addresses this outlook. The word וַיִּגַּשׁ means "to come close," referring to Yehuda’s dramatic approach to Joseph before Joseph reveals his true identity.

וַיִּגַּשׁ אֵלָיו יְהוּדָה וַיֹּאמֶר בִּי אֲדֹנִי יְדַבֶּר־נָא עַבְדְּךָ דָבָר בְּאׇזְנֵי אֲדֹנִי וְאַל־יִחַר אַפְּךָ בְּעַבְדֶּךָ כִּי כָמוֹךָ כְּפַרְעֹה

Then Yehudah went up to him and said, “Please, my lord, let your servant appeal to my lord, and do not be impatient with your servant, you who are the equal of Pharaoh. [Genesis, 44:18]

This theme is echoed in this week’s haftorah, which describes Yechezkel’s prophecy of Etz Joseph and Etz Yehuda—two pieces of wood representing Joseph and Yehuda—that will be unified into one. Joseph’s revelation to his brothers sets this reconciliation into motion.

But Joseph’s timing is puzzling. Why did he choose to reveal himself now, after nearly two years of concealment since the brothers arrived in Egypt, and fourteen years since they sold him?

Although I haven’t seen this explanation in any commentary, I believe Joseph waited for Yehuda to finally utter one pivotal word: ishti—"my wife."

וַיֹּאמֶר עַבְדְּךָ אָבִי אֵלֵינוּ אַתֶּם יְדַעְתֶּם כִּי שְׁנַיִם יָלְדָה־לִּי אִשְׁתִּי

Your servant my father said to us, ‘As you know, my wife bore me two sons. [Genesis 44]

Yehuda acknowledged Rachel as Jacob’s primary wife, saying, “שְׁנַיִם יָלְדָה־לִּי אִשְׁתִּי / My wife bore me two sons.” He admitted that Jacob viewed Rachel as his main wife, and her two sons, Joseph and Benjamin, held a unique status. Yehuda’s words referred to Joseph, presumed dead, and Benjamin, as the sole survivor of Jacob’s primary union.

Joseph waited for this recognition not to assert his superiority or remind his brothers of Rachel’s favored status, but because he understood a deeper truth: secular values like beauty, style, charisma, dreams, and relationships are vital for the survival of Torah and Judaism. These qualities, which stem from the concept of romance, are critical to life and serving hashem. The term "romance" derives from Rome, a culture emblematic of secular achievements. Jacob’s love and romantic inclination toward Rachel was a core part of their relationship. However, the brothers dismissed romance, viewing it as sacrilegious. They scorned their father’s love for Rachel and rejected the qualities Joseph inherited from her.

Esav, considered the forefather of Rome and known by the name Edom, is linked by our Sages to the Roman Empire and its culture. Our current exile, Galut Edom, represents both Rome and Western civilization.

My Rosh Yeshiva, Rav Yaakov Weinberg zt’l, often noted that there is no direct term for romance in the Torah. Yet the Rambam in states that to serve God out of love (me’ahava), one must understand and experience romance, as expressed in Shir Hashirim: כִּי חוֹלַת אַהֲבָה אָנִי —I am lovesick for God.

וְהוּא שֶׁשְּׁלֹמֹה אָמַר דֶּרֶךְ מָשָׁל (שיר השירים ב ה) כִּי חוֹלַת אַהֲבָה אָנִי. וְכָל שִׁיר הַשִּׁירִים מָשָׁל הוּא לְעִנְיָן זֶה

This concept was implied by Solomon [Song of Songs 2:5] when he stated, as a metaphor: "I am lovesick." The totality of the Song of Songs is a parable describing this love. [Mishneh Torah, Hilchot Teshuva, 10]

Unlike Joseph’s approach, Yehuda’s relationship with God was more transactional, driven by fear of punishment or the desire for reward. The Rambam considers such a relationship substandard.

This perspective explains why the brothers dismissed Joseph’s advice to present themselves to Pharaoh as anshei mikneh (cattle merchants), rather than ro’ei tzon (shepherds), a profession despised by Egyptians. Joseph’s pragmatic advice reflected an understanding secular notions, something which the brothers rejected as heretical.

This narrow outlook still exists in some Jewish factions today, who isolate themselves from secular culture out of fear—a valid concern, given its risks. Yet the story of Joseph reminds us that reconciliation between Etz Yosef and Etz Yehuda—and ultimately, the coming of Mashiach—requires engaging with the secular. The Gemara calls this derech eretz, the foundational traits that enhance relationships and bring us closer to God.

This is why the secular New Year has a meaningful place in our lives, especially in a congregation like Mekor. It reflects the reality of our exile, an essential step in preparing for the Era of Mashiach. As we enter this new year, let us reevaluate how secular attributes can enrich our relationships—both with others and with God.

Shabbat Shalom and Happy New Year.

Eliezer Hirsch