Shavuot - I Found God

Naaseh V’Nishma: A Model for Love and Commitment

Shavuot is considered by our sages to be like a wedding between the Jewish people and God. That is why the Maharal says that when God lifted Mount Sinai over the people at Har Sinai, it was like a chuppah, a wedding canopy. This image reminds us not only of the day of our marriage to God but also gives us guidance on how to connect with Him and with our loved ones today. It’s a prototype for love and commitment.

The Sifrei on Parshat Vezot Haberachah teaches that God went to all the nations of the world and offered them the Torah, but they all refused it. The Jewish people, on the other hand, accepted it. If you analyze the Midrash carefully, the difference between the nations of the world and the Jewish people is not simply in their rejection versus our acceptance, but in how we accepted it and how they rejected it.

Each nation, when offered the Torah, asked what was written in it. God responded to each nation with a mitzvah that clashed with its particular values or lifestyle. For example, the nation of Ishmael was told about the prohibition of adultery and rejected the Torah because of that. The nation of Edom was told about the prohibition of murder and rejected it. But they all asked the same question: "Ma kativ ba?", “What is written in it?” At first glance, this seems fair, of course, they would ask what’s in it before accepting it. But if we think more deeply, we see they were all rejecting the Torah for the same reason. They all had an agenda.

They wanted God to fit into their lifestyle, not the other way around. No matter what God answered, they would have found a reason to say no. This is a bit like when someone is dating and comes in with a long list of expectations. I often explain to single people that it’s good to have a list of things that are important to you when dating, but once you meet the person you want to marry, you need to throw out that list and accept the person for who they are.

According to the Talmud in Brachot 8a, after a wedding, a young couple would be greeted with the question "Matza or motzei?", Found or finding?, based on two verses from King Solomon. One verse in Proverbs says, "One who has found a spouse has found something wonderful." The other verse in Ecclesiastes cynically states, "I find marriage to be more bitter than death." At first glance, this greeting seems crude: Are you happy or miserable? But the Talmud has no qualms about it.

The words "matza" and "motzei" come from the same root but differ in tense. "Matza" is past tense, meaning "he who has found," while "motzei" is present tense, meaning "I find." The advice is that once you’re married, you should see yourself as having found the right person, accepting them for who they are. That leads to a happy marriage. But if you continue to look for faults or question your choice, that attitude leads to misery.

So too, with the nations of the world. When they asked, "What is written in it?" they were saying they wanted God to meet their demands. But the Jewish people said "Naaseh v’nishma", "We will do and we will hear." They accepted God unconditionally, ready to grow and learn whatever He would teach. This is what the Torah means by keeping the Torah and learning "lishma", not simply for no reason, but for no ulterior reason. We keep the Torah out of love for God.

This is embodied in the story of Ruth. She accepted the Torah because she accepted God and the Jewish people, no matter what. That’s why Ruth is celebrated on Shavuot. In Ruth’s story, yibum (levirate marriage) is emphasized—a mitzvah performed for someone who can never repay you. Rashi explains that this is an act of true kindness, giving without expectation.

This is the essence of Yizkor, when we pray for the souls of our departed and give charity in their merit, expecting nothing in return. This is what we call "chesed shel emet," true kindness. This is the spiritual work of Shavuot: to learn to live life out of love, and God willing, to have a year filled with true love and true kindness.

Chag Sameach!