God Is My Friend
Torah is intended to generate warmth and love in the context of a meaningful and eternal relationship.
Please join us at Mekor’s 6th annual gala which will be held Sunday, February 26 (just 2 weeks away), as we honor Rebecca Somach & Shaul Kushinsky, and alumni of the year Miriam & David Morley. Beloved digital influencer and Mekor alum Lizzy Savetsky will serve as the emcee for the night, and Eli Lebowicz, who had the audience in stitches at the 2019 gala, will bring his hilarious comedy to the stage. You can reserve tickets and place ads here.
The book of Shemot has been humming along with a narrative that makes sense. We just escaped from Egypt and the Red Sea was split for us by God and crashed down on the Egyptians. Following a few bumps on the road in last week’s Parsha, we’re now primed and ready to receive the Torah at Mount Sinai, which was one of the main goals of the Exodus.
But this narrative stops abruptly for what I like to call a commercial break, an apparent non sequitur. It shifts abruptly to the story of Yitro, Moshe’s father-in-law, who advises him to set up a judicial system, so he won’t be the sole person judging all the cases. Yitro wants Moshe to delegate, which of course many rabbis (like me) have a hard time doing.
וְאַתָּ֣ה תֶחֱזֶ֣ה מִכׇּל־הָ֠עָ֠ם אַנְשֵׁי־חַ֜יִל יִרְאֵ֧י אֱלֹהִ֛ים אַנְשֵׁ֥י אֱמֶ֖ת שֹׂ֣נְאֵי בָ֑צַע וְשַׂמְתָּ֣ עֲלֵהֶ֗ם שָׂרֵ֤י אֲלָפִים֙ שָׂרֵ֣י מֵא֔וֹת שָׂרֵ֥י חֲמִשִּׁ֖ים וְשָׂרֵ֥י עֲשָׂרֹֽת וְשָׁפְט֣וּ אֶת־הָעָם֮ בְּכׇל־עֵת֒
You shall also seek out, from among all the people, capable individuals who fear God—trustworthy ones who spurn ill-gotten gain. Set these over them as chiefs of thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens, and let them judge people at all times…
After the segment about Yitro, the Parsha returns to our show, so to speak, and resumes the story about the revelation at Sinai. It’s puzzling why the Torah breaks for the story of Yitro, which is clearly out of chronological order (at least according to Rashi). Moreover, since next week’s Parshat Mishpatim is primarily about the legal system, the story of Yitro would make more sense as a segue into that section.
Whenever the Torah does something unexpected in its narrative, we can be sure it’s trying to teach us something important. I think there is a critical message in this odd sequence about the primacy of a concept called derech eretz. The concept of derech eretz is about more than just having manners (like my father used to say to me whenever I was rude as a child, “have some derech eretz!”). Literally, the words mean the way of the land, but their deeper meaning, is about much more.
There are at least eight definitions for the words derech eretz throughout primary Jewish sources: earning a living, farming, showing respect, human nature, common practice, marital relations, developing street smarts, or being down to earth. These aspects of life all have one common denominator: Refraining from selfishness and making it a priority to build community and develop relationships with the land and other people.
This understanding of derech eretz sheds new light on the well-known principle: Derech eretz kadma latorah, [Derech Eretz must precede Torah].
דְּאָמַר רַבִּי יִשְׁמָעֵאל בַּר רַב נַחְמָן עֶשְׂרִים וְשִׁשָּׁה דוֹרוֹת קָדְמָה דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ אֶת הַתּוֹרָה, הֲדָא הוּא דִכְתִיב (בראשית ג, כד): לִשְׁמֹר אֶת דֶּרֶךְ עֵץ הַחַיִּים, דֶּרֶךְ, זוֹ דֶּרֶךְ אֶרֶץ, וְאַחַר כָּךְ עֵץ הַחַיִּים, זוֹ תּוֹרָה
Rabbi Ishmael son of rav Nachman said: Derech eretz precedes Torah by 26 generations, since it is written “and to guard the way to the Tree of Life” (Genesis 3). “Way” is the derech eretz, and only after that comes “Tree of Life” which is Torah
Just as the Midrash points out that Derech eretz preceded the Torah by 26 generations, here the story of Yitro must precede the giving of the Torah. Far from being a non sequitur, the story of Yitro provides us with the necessary context to understand derech eretz, and therefore to understand the Torah. Only by nurturing relationships in our physical world can we learn how to build our relationship with God and truly understand Torah.
This is also why Yitro merited to name the Parsha of Kabbalat Hatorah, because we derive the meaning of derech eretz from the story of Yitro: how he treats his family, his regard for the wellbeing of the Jewish people, and the way he relates to God. For example, the Mechilta tells us that when Moshe greets his father-in-law, Yitro, he challenges and admonishes Moshe, saying if you don’t come to greet me, at least greet your family whom you have abandoned!
אמר לו, עשה בגיני, ואם אין אתה עושה בגיני, עשה בגין אשתך ואם לאו, עשה בגין בניך
Do it for me; and if not for me, then come out for your wife. And if not, do it for her sons.
Similarly, when the Jewish people are set up to bring all their disputes directly to Moshe for adjudication, Yitro objects to that proposal, because it would require that everyone stand and wait their turn for an inordinate amount of time, while Moshe would have the luxury of remaining seated.
Moreover, Yitro’s entire life embodied derech eretz. He was a convert by choice, solely out of a love for God. That is why the midrash says he was also called by seven other names – Chovav, beloved (by God) Chever, (God’s) companion, Reuel, God’s friend, as well as other names with similar meanings. According to Rashi in Mesechet Shabbat (31a), Hillel taught that God is to be treated as a friend, and Yitro exemplified that kind of relationship.
ריעך וריע אביך אל תעזוב (משלי כז) זה הקב"ה אל תעבור על דבריו
Do not forsake your friend or your father's friend" (Proverbs 27:10) - this refers to the Holy One, blessed be He. Do not violate His words…
This is why Yitro’s story precedes the narrative about receiving the Torah. Derech Eretz kadma latorah: We cannot look at Torah as simply a life manual, a legal text, or a history book. Rather, it is intended to generate warmth and love in the context of a meaningful and eternal relationship.
That is our approach to Torah in the Mekor Habracha shul and community. As we seek to adhere to halacha and follow the Torah, we believe that we must be guided by our relationships. Those of you who have attended previous galas will recall that the Mekor galas are spectacular events. Our motivation is to celebrate our community from the heart, because building community and fostering relationships is core to our philosophy. You can share in this important show of community by reserving tickets and placing ads in our tribute book. God willing, our shul will continue to thrive and spread care and love to our community and beyond. Shabbat shalom.